


Let me see I'm your diamond lost

by adevilkissedme



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, F/M, i mean it is supposed to be a college au but i don't know if it is really lol, kind of angsty and kind of dark
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-04
Updated: 2018-09-04
Packaged: 2019-07-06 23:50:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 2,227
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15896643
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/adevilkissedme/pseuds/adevilkissedme
Summary: ‘Why do you want me to lie to you?’‘Because I know you. I know you tell the prettiest lies.’





	1. I.

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone! I recently fell in love with this ship and I really wanted to write something about them.  
> This one is kind of angsty, and they're both trying to hide her feelings. They are around their twenties here and they both have some issues. I hope you enjoy it if you happen to read it!
> 
> The title comes from a line in the song Paradise lost by Gain, that inspired me a lot to write this fic.

IT STARTED OFF WITH A QUESTION.

‘Would you lie for me?’ She asked, lips bloody red, sharp black eyeliner outlining grey eyes, crowning her bold features. Long blonde hair tied in a messy bun that reminded him of straw on a winter day. A black, short velvet dress tight enough to reveal all the corners he was dying to meet. Narcissa looked exactly like she did in his dreams.

He felt desperate, she felt his desperation. ‘Without hesitation’, he answered instantly, his eyes quietly wandering over  the hidden promises of her silhouette and the lock of hair placed behind her ear. He couldn’t help but reach out to that piece of silver glory, and she didn’t step back. The dim lights coming from the corridor, the noise coming from a crowd of youths trying to get wasted, trying too hard to die a little between drinks and cocaine.

‘Then tell me a lie.’ Her voice was intoxicating, deep, sweet and easily flowing as honey. The words were soaked in holiness.

‘A lie?’ His mouth dry, Lucius barely managed to raise an eyebrow and pretend surprise.

‘Tell me you love me.’ A side smile appeared in Narcissa’s face. She thought it was amusing, though her tone was still very serious. She hadn’t drunk a single drop from her whiskey.  Lucius felt his heart skip a beat, a slight pain going from his fingertips to his brain _. I wouldn’t be lying_. He swallowed his words, laughed them off.

‘Why do you want me to lie to you?’ His hand fell to the armchair as Narcissa slowly lifted up her dress and sat on his lap, her legs wrapping around his thighs.

‘Because I know you. I know you tell the prettiest lies.’ She leaned in closer, her left hand pressing his arm. Lucius thought he would faint. Every bit of him making contact with Narcissa was burning. ‘I want to know if they’re a good match for mine. Same old lies can work if said by an expert pretender.’

‘I’ll lie to you only if you lie to me.’ Lucius said. He was a good pretender. It was hard to tell he needed to hear it from her too, that desperation was tearing him apart.

‘Oh darling,’ she said ‘I’ll lie to you, and you’ll drink it up like the sweetest poison.’

Her perfect long nails went down his jawline to his lips, which she quietly parted, her thumb pressing the sweet flesh of his lower lip. She put the glass against his mouth and poured down the whiskey. Lucius drank every drop, welcoming it like fresh rain. He smiled like a wolf, his hands climbing up Narcissa’s thighs, caressing the softest skin he had ever touched. His eyes showed adoration. She laughed. He wasn’t lying.

He couldn’t.


	2. II.

WHEN NARCISSA FIRST MET LUCIUS, with his arrogant looks, his dark blue eyes that reminded her of the ocean –full of secrets, full of danger—and his long blond hair tied in a short and royal ponytail, she thought he looked like a prince. Cold, neat and perfectly obscure.

She never wanted to be a princess in a fairy tale. Quite contrary, she always liked the darker figures, the Medeas, the Morganas and Persephones. She thought of herself as the queen of her very own kingdom. Who wants a prince when they’re a queen on their own right? But Lucius was different. A fairy tale prince gone dark, a fallen angel, a god of the underground and the gruesome. Narcissa never liked bad boys --the ones that pretended to know a deeper truth or have a shady past. But when she met this boy, as distant, brilliant and unknown as a star, she knew it in her heart: _he has to be mine_.

 

That night he stared at her in what can only be described as devotion. He let her handle him exactly as she wished. He surrendered to her completely and unconditionally. _Take me, take me_ , he seemed to be begging. But Narcissa knew it was all an illusion, the kind of fantasy only an expert can build. She was happy with those lies. Deep inside, she wondered how much of it were really lies. But she immediately stopped those thoughts. Of course he was lying and pretending; of course none of that was true. _Stop thinking_ , she thought, her mind boiling with a pain she had never known, a longing too deep for her to understand.

The lies… they were fine. She could manage lies.

His hands were under her dress and as his fingers explored the insides of her thighs, slowly caressing the curve where her legs met and then making their way up to her hips and firmly grabbing her skin before his mouth got dangerously close to hers, Narcissa felt a fire bursting inside. She knew what desire was, how it felt when someone knew how to touch the most delicate parts of her body. What she wasn’t familiar with was this intensity.

The enormity of her desire amazed her.

Her mind exploded with images and wishes, with the wildest thoughts she could think of. She sought-after every bit of his skin, she wanted to know how his weight felt upon her. She wanted his hands around her neck, her waist, her wrists. She wanted to feel his teeth on her chest, arms, throat. She needed that precious mouth of his to bruise her skin, gentle and demanding. She wanted Lucius to pin her down, to hold her tight, to never let her go.

By the time he finally kissed her, Narcissa was febrile. It was a messy kiss, their teeth crashed a couple times, their tongues were so desperate for each other they became clumsy. Lucius lips tasted of whiskey and almonds, his face smelled of expensive after-shave and his hair was soft and untied.

Narcissa wished she could drown on his smell.


	3. III.

LUCIUS KEPT PRETENDING HE WAS LYING. Narcissa was a taker. He liked her that way. She unintentionally demanded worship and Lucius was always eager to please.

Narcissa killed him. With a smile, a side look or the movement of a hand, she had his heart hanging in her hands. The worst part was that she didn’t even seem to notice. For her, it was all a game.

 

When Lucius met Narcissa, she took his breath away. He was hanging out with friends and they sat on the stairs that led to the library. He would never forget how she laughed, holding the hand of her friend, a black notebook in her other hand, her silver hair down. Her bracelet suddenly got lose and fell to the ground, he picked it up and slightly tapped her shoulder to get her attention. He would always remember the unsurprised look on her face, the cold _thank you_ and the way her eyes evaluated him in seconds before giving him a subtle smirk, and how she had looked back before closing the library’s door just to have a final glimpse of him. He had frozen in front of her and forgotten how to breath for a second. After that, her image fixed on his mind forever.

She was everything he liked and more. She was reserved, quiet and cautious, intelligent, mysterious and stunning. Lucius was the kind of person that understood. He was usually quick to decipher people, know what they wanted and what they lacked, and how to use that to his advantage. People opened to him as easily as the books in the library. He had learned to be a fast reader. But when it came to Narcissa, he was clueless. She was blank, an enigma he couldn’t solve. But it was more than that. He felt an attraction to her that was almost magnetic. He would gladly have given up everything he had just for her to look at him.

As he got to know her better, these feelings only grew deeper and before he realized it, he had fallen in the deadly trap of love. There was no possible scape. It was the kind of burning love that leaves a mark forever, even after the feeling dies and new relationships begin. Lucius had never felt such a thing. He wanted to be with her, to touch her, to listen to her voice forever. He wanted to understand the way she thought, to know her opinion on things, to kiss her, to wake her up every morning, to know how she tasted. He wanted her to devastate him, to crawl into him so deeply he would never be the same when she left.

 

Now he understood that for Narcissa it was only a game. To her, they both lied, it was a fantasy. _This is real, this is the rawest, purest thing I’ve ever felt_ , his heart complained. Truth be told, he would never be good enough for her. The things he had done, the things he was willing to do, all those he had hurt and would hurt… How could a monster like him be loved by such an angel? _I could make her happy_ , he thought. That much was true. But she deserved something else. Something better. A perfect, complete being, just like her. And Lucius? He was just a wrecked, wicked man. A broken child, a scared, insecure and ruthless mess dressed up in an arrogance and false confidence that hid it all like a mask.

If she was only willing to take off that mask, what she would find would sicken her.

Lying was better.


	4. IV.

‘TELL ME I’M YOUR DIAMOND LOST, the hidden treasure you looked for your whole life. Tell me I’m a piece of Paradise you can live in.’

Narcissa held Lucius face in her hands, her eyes so intense on his no one else could have held her gaze. She wanted to pierce him, to crack his head open so she could see what he was thinking. She wanted to hold his beating heart on her palm so she could _feel_ the truth. Lucius laughed and closed his eyes for a moment. They were both wet, naked, laying on the floor next to a fire. Outside, the rain was falling so hard that the walls shook. The sound of thunder matched Narcissa’s heart. Rain water dripped from her hair.

‘Why do you want me to say such things?’

 _So I can believe it_ she thought, desperately. She looked down, swallowed saliva. Her throat felt dry. _Please say I mean something to you_ , her heart begged. _Tell me I’m something more than your game, that you haven’t told a single lie_.

Narcissa thought by lying and avoiding the real feelings she would not fall in love. It was her game, her lies. She manipulated him at wish and he happily fulfilled such wishes. But it was castles in the air, a construction, a false reality straight out of her imagination. She thought in a world of fantasies pain and reality would never reach her, that her heart would behave accordingly to her calculations and coldness. That it would be as strong as her mind.

She was so wrong.

It had begun way before they started and now she was an addict. She couldn’t leave him but blindly playing the game hurt her, crushed her heart. _Shatter me, turn me to ruins, rip me apart as if you loved me, but just be real. I can’t stand you being the ghost from my dreams_.

There was a moment of silence. Narcissa was agonizing. His fingers running through her hair was too much.

‘Would you kill for me?’ she asked, suddenly, her voice harsh and violent. Lucius suddenly sit up, his fingers still in her hair, his eyes fixed on her frenzied eyes.

‘I wouldn’t hesitate for a second.’ He wasn’t laughing. He wasn’t pretending. One cannot pretend such a firm response when meeting such raw emotion. However, it wasn’t enough for Narcissa.

She felt her arms numb and heavy as her hand reached out to Lucius’ face. That stupidly, ironically perfect face that was more of stone sculptured by the most delicate hands than flesh and bones. It was a hard, cutting face; there was no room for softness. And yet, his eyes were melting and rather than the cold ocean, they reminded her of calm, gentle rivers. Narcissa felt on the verge of falling. And she would fall deep. Her voice sounded broken, strangled and strange.

‘Would you die for me?’

‘I’m already dying for you. Every day, every second. If you had some compassion, you would have killed me already.’ It was a confession, his voice was soft, calm and barely a whisper. He smelled like rain and like _home_. A sad half smile appeared on Lucius’ lips. It was the smile of lost hope, a surrender. He was giving up.

The spell was broken, the lies falling like untold truths. Narcissa thought she would choke on all the words she didn’t dare saying.

‘But can’t you see,’ she held her breath, cursing. She could barely speak. ‘Can’t you see I’ve always been all yours to keep?’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is the end! I hope you enjoyed it and thank you very much for reading. Please, let me know your opinions on it.  
> Until next time!


	5. Bonus: songs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Many songs inspired me for this fic, so I thought I would share some of them with you because they really are a part of the story.  
> So this is not really a chapter, but more of a little playlist.
> 
> See you next time!

[Paradise lost, GaIn](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4i32ANEa5mk)   
  
[Trouble (Stripped), Halsey](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h2aTxmwRiJQ)   
[Gods and monsters, Lana del Rey](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AEXykmKWebQ)   
[River, Bishop Briggss](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h5jz8xdpR0M)   
[Take me, Miso](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pxAiwZlzSD8)   
[Into my arms, Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LnHoqHscTKE)   
[Wickd game, Hula Hi-fi](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VyszXJvg4jQ)   
[Angel of small death and the codeine scene, Hozier](https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=1&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=2ahUKEwiHnIzTgqLdAhXnuFkKHfUfDdIQyCkwAHoECAkQBQ&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3D-bmp4QWzHak&usg=AOvVaw1VnR8z9v_YFYl-3h030Z7w)

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you very much for reading! Please let me know what you think about it.  
> Have a great day, and again, thank you for reading!


End file.
